Recovery Phase II: Two Weeks Later

I think I have made a lot of progress in the past two weeks since Joseph removed my stitches. I am able to fully extend my arm and then bend it up to my shoulder. I really had to work at this to stretch the muscles back out. If I keep my arm in the same position too long it is quite stiff when I change position. I stretch it every day to try to keep it moving. Joseph said the stiffness will probably last until the swelling goes away in my elbow which could take months.

My arm just after having the stitches removed.

Two weeks later. My arm is still ugly, but I think it looks much better. The first three fingers on my hand are slowly getting stronger. I was able to push the button on my stand mixer with my left hand on Monday, before that I was too weak and I had to use my right hand. I'll be happy when I'm finally strong enough to push the red button on Rebecah's car seat to release the bottom clasps. I can do my own ponytail now and put my shirts on normally again. I'm sure all of these accomplishments seem rather silly and insignificant to most of you, but they have been huge milestones for me. My last two fingers are still numb, still painful and still weak. At my post-op appointment, Dr. Allison said this could all last 6 months to a year. That feels like an eternity, but hopefully it all will get better. It is frustrating to be trying to spread my fingers apart and straining as hard as I can and my fingers hardly move. Patience, is what I'm learning in addition to other lessons.

Peaceful Moments

Often as a parent you hear a lot of fighting or noise and you just have to stop and enjoy the peaceful times. Here are a few peaceful moments from the last week:

Here is Kimball giving Rebecah a ride. Soon after these pictures Kimball got too tired and crashed so I was glad I got the pictures even though the lighting wasn't the best.

Rebecah and Kimball are getting better and better about playing together. Their favorite thing to do together is to make a "whole big mess" and play in it. I think it is their version of a fort because they get out all or most of our toys and then organize it like a house. Sometimes all of the toy food and blocks get dumped out and sometimes they don't. Here they are with their "whole big mess" as they call it.

Rebecah has pretty much given up naps. She will only nap on her terms so most days she doesn't. I can't really fight her on it too much since my left arm is still pretty weak and I can't pick her up easily, especially if she is struggling. This afternoon while we were reading stories Rebecah wandered into my room and crawled under the covers.

After I finished my last story, Kimball put his head down on the couch and fell asleep. He rarely naps, but has done so twice this week.

Recovery Phase I

Recovery was a little different that I anticipated. First off my time in the actual recovery room at the surgery center was much longer than anyone planned. The man having surgery after me left before I did. I just had a really hard time waking up from the anesthesia. So many of my memories from Thursday night are vague and when something springs to mind I have to ask Joseph if it really happened. It is really hard to lose hours of my life and know that I was "awake" but not aware. I got home Thursday night, Joseph got me settled and then he left me to pick up our children who were playing with friends. It just dawned on me now that I was left alone while Joseph did that. I'm glad I didn't have any problems! One thing I vaguely remember from the night of surgery was Joseph telling me that Dr. Allison had accidentally nicked my nerve somehow. I had to verify that the next day. It was true and it explained the numbness in my 4th and 5th fingers. This was a hard pill to swallow. Nerves take a long time to heal--they can heal at a rate of 1 inch per month--and with my nerve already severely damaged from being pinched for so long I knew having a nick wasn't a good thing. I hope eventually the numbness will get better, but no one knows. Joseph also said that my nerve was blue from being pinched so long. The blue color was from lack of blood flow and with time that should go back to a normal color. Normally they are white. The first few days home were a little rough because I was in pain. I tried not to take too much pain medicine because it made me sick and then I had to take pills for nausea. I did go to Sacrament Meeting the following Sunday and it was a big mistake because I felt awful the entire time! My first two weeks of recovery dealt with two kinds of pain, physical and then emotional. It was hard dealing with the physical pain, but I started feeling better about a week after surgery. The emotional pain is something I deal with every day. I'm mourning the loss of normal use of my fingers. Someday I hope they will be back to normal, but there is no guarantee. I can't focus on the long term or the permanent consequences of having numb fingers or I break down. My goal has been to focus on making it through today. About a week after surgery a new pain surfaced and that has made it even more difficult. I wasn't expecting to suffer from such intense nerve pain in my fingers and hand. It started about a week after surgery and stems from the nicked nerve. The only way I can explain the pain to someone is to say that it feels like half of my hand and my last two fingers have been burned and are sensitive to touch. When I am touched it burns and hurts so bad. Joseph said the only way to make this get better is to use my hand and rub it on things even though it hurts. I'm trying to use it as much as I can until I can't stand the burning anymore. I'm too young for this...I'm only 32! Some things I learned: I'm not very good at asking others for help. I felt helpless and I don't like feeling that way. I'm grateful that Joseph was so good to help me dress, shower, undress and do other things that I couldn't do for myself. Joseph had a light week at work so he was home in the mornings and worked in the afternoons. It was nice to have him home to help with breakfast and lunch each day. It is hard when Kimball is stronger than I am. I would try to open a jar of peanut butter to make lunch and have to have Kimball help me. Kimball has actually been a huge help through this entire ordeal. I'm so proud of him and I plan on rewarding him once I'm a little more able. I also gained a greater appreciation for my sister, Heather. I'm not saying that having numb and painful fingers is anywhere close to being a quadriplegic, but I can relate to some of her experiences. I understand better Heather's frustrations about not being able to do her own hair and makeup. It was very hard for me to have Joseph put my hair in a ponytail because he wasn't very good, although working as a team we got better. Joseph was happy with a lopsided ponytail, but I never was. I also can relate to Heather when she says that it hurts when people would touch her. If one of the kids grabs my hand it burns and I want to yank my hand away from them, but I try to show restraint. Besides, yanking would cause my arm to hurt in other places. Also, during surgery they tape your eyes shut to prevent "scratching" of the eyes. (I secretly think they would just be un-nerved to have someone staring blankly at them.) Anyway, the tape was so abrasive it caused the skin under my eyes to peel and my under eyes were blotchy for the first few days. Heather says the same thing happens to her. We both agree that a sleep mask would be much better! Things take so much longer when you don't have full use of your body. I tried to email everyday from my iPod touch, but it took so much longer to type messages. By the end of two weeks my little thumb got pretty good at tapping out emails, but I think how much patience Heather has to do all of her emails and blog posts with her voice activated program. Heather is a saint! Things I appreciated: I appreciated the 3 women from church who brought us dinner. Those three meals fed our family for 6 nights. I appreciated the phone calls and cards that people sent, as well as those who sent gifts. One wonderful person even sent a gift card to a pizza place since she wasn't able to help prepare food long distance. The gifts, cards, and phone calls always seemed to come on a day when I needed them most. Tender mercies from the Lord. I appreciated Rebecah coming up to me and asking if my left arm was my "sore arm" and then she would kiss me and say: "I kiss your sore arm." It was sweet. One of my sisters asked me last night if I thought I was better off before or after surgery. I would honestly say, setting aside all of the pain from the surgery and incision, that I was better off before surgery since the pain wasn't constant nerve pain and I didn't have numbness. Now that isn't to say I wouldn't have made the same decision. I basically had the choice of 1. surgery and those outcomes or 2. eventual paralysis of my two fingers and I didn't want that. As painful as it is to move them, I at least can.

My nasty fingers once they started peeling. What is worse is that my palm has now developed the same affliction and most likely my arm will follow since it wasn't washed for 2 weeks! Gross!

Joseph took my splint off a few days ago and removed the stitches. I'm amazed how stiff and weak I am. I guess I entered phase II of recovery because it will probably take another 2 weeks to work out the stiffness and pain. My "new and improved" arm. Stitches still in. Those are Dr. Allison's initials. They initial the limb that they are operating on to prevent mistakes-- like the wrong limb being worked on.

My arm with the stitches removed. I can't wait for my incision to start looking better because right now it's ugly! Now on to phase II of recovery. I might not post about this for a while since I'm just starting this new adventure, but for now I can say my muscles are weaker than I ever imagined they would be and I can barely push a quilting needle through a quilt.

Cubital Tunnel Syndrome

Off and on for the last 2 1/2 years at least I have suffered from nerve pain in my left elbow. Usually it would flare up for a few weeks, Joseph would tell me to baby my arm and it would get better for a few months and then the process would repeat. We discovered muscle weakness in my left arm about a month ago, June, on a Monday. Joseph did some muscle strength tests on me and and told me I could no longer put off a nerve study and most likely I would have surgery. Two things I really wanted to avoid. The next day we discovered that our insurance is supposed to on August 1st so we had to decide if we would try to get the ball rolling before August or just wait. We wanted to avoid paying two deductibles and possibly have a pre-exisiting. After thinking about it we decided to go ahead and start treatment. On Wednesday, two days after we discovered the weakness, Joseph had the office staff set up a nerve study. The doctor I wanted to see didn't have any Russellville openings for a few weeks, but would be willing to see me that Friday if I would go to Little Rock. This doctor usually doesn't see patients on Friday but had one to see so he was willing to fit me in too. This doctor knew Joseph because he used to do nerve studies at Joseph's work. It helps being married to medicine, but I also view this as a little miracle that we were able to have a nerve study so soon since we were in a time crunch. Friday was nerve study day. I wasn't looking forward to it since I knew it involved needles. The nerve study was about an hour and it involved another muscle weakness test, about 30 minutes of electrode shocks on my arms and about 10 minutes of needle sticks to various muscles to check for nerve damage. The shocks were uncomfortable, but didn't really bother me. The needle sticks hurt, especially the two in my neck so I was glad it was only about 10 minutes. The nerve study results were "severe cubital tunnel syndrome (ulnar nerve entrapment) with axon loss and demyelination". That was much more serious than we were expecting. Most people seek treatment when they are mild to moderate and my case was severe. Most people have numbness in their 4th and 5th fingers and I only had burning pain in my elbow. On the way home from the nerve study Joseph set up surgery for July 26. That was moved up two weeks when Dr. Allison had a cancellation. I had an anterior transposition of the ulnar nerve procedure performed on July 12th. Basically, my nerve was removed from the cubital tunnel and buried in the muscle by my elbow. I was nervous about surgery. Two of my biggest fears were the IV and a serious complication like the severing of my nerve. The ulnar nerve controls the motor and sensory functions of the last two fingers and part of the palm. The IV was much better than expected. I didn't even bruise. The other concern didn't happen, but almost did. Stay tuned for the next post about my recovery. Here is a picture of my splint.

The 4th of July

We had a nice holiday. Joseph's parents, along with Kristi and Aaron, came down for a few days and we had a lot of fun with them. On Tuesday, we went to Hot Springs to do a little casual boating and then we took a tour of the Fordyce Bath House which is part of the Hot Springs National Park. Here we are waiting for the bath house tour with Grandpa.

Kristi posing and just wishing to jump the divider and relax in a chair.

Joseph and me in front of the national park sign. We didn't get a picture of it when we went 3 years ago to Hot Springs.

Our family on the paddle boat. I wasn't sure how the kids would do in the back together, but they were very good and didn't even get close to the edge of the seat. We had to rent a pedal boat instead of a canoe because I have a bum arm right now.

Kimball had his heart set on kayaking so he and Joseph took a spin in the kayak. Kimball loved it.

Kristi with Rebecah and me in the pedal boat while Kimball and Joseph were in the kayak.

We were all very hot and tired when we made it back to Russellville. It was nice to shower and feel clean again. On Wednesday, Grandma and Grandpa took Kimball and Rebecah to Lake Dardanelle State Park, the lake in Russellville, while Joseph and I stayed home. I was busy doing dinner food preparations and Joseph had gone on an early morning bike ride. The kids had fun here too. Kimball going solo in the kayak. He was in inches of water.

This picture was no surprise to me...Kimball with dirty hands is a daily occurrence at our house if he has been outside.

Here Kristi is being a good sport and letting Kimball burying her feet. Kristi is well loved when she comes to visit.

Kristi and Rebecah in the water.

Rebecah doing her own kind of relaxing.

All smiles.

This shot is of the participants of the parade that Grandpa organized. The kids dressed up in their Halloween costumes. Grandpa played a instrument, Rebecah pushed her baby and bear in a stroller and Kimball was the token fireman with a flag. It has been so hot and dry in Arkansas that 70 out of the 75 counties are under a burn ban so that meant no fireworks for us. This parade was in place of fireworks.

Group shot!

Father's Day

Joseph had a good Father's Day. On Saturday when Joseph was on a bike ride Kimball and I put up this "happy father's day" banner that we had made. When Joseph saw it he was really excited and said a couple of times how much he liked it. He now has his own decorations for his special day. Sunday morning for breakfast I made breakfast burritos...Joseph's favorite. After breakfast the kids gave Joseph some crafts that we had made for him. One was a questionnaire with questions that the kids answered about Joseph. For those of you who might not have known, Joseph's name is Eli, he is 2 years old, over 7 feet and weighs about 776 pounds. His favorite place to go is work and he enjoys playing legos and cooking with the toy kitchen. Joseph had some good laughs over his new statistics. We also gave Joseph some indoor soccer shoes that he really wanted. He is now excited for the next Spanish family home evening so he can break them in. Dinner for Father's Day was a true labor of love for me and was very disappointing. Joseph said for dinner he wanted canned fruit, cottage cheese and plain jello. I try to make nice things for Joseph to show my love for him so I was less than excited about these requests. Cottage cheese with fruit was always a meal I dreaded growing up and I swore I would never serve it as an adult. I am now eating my words because I did serve it, but none of the nasty stuff crossed my lips. The kids each tried a bite but didn't care for it. At least Joseph hasn't requested meatloaf. I did make salad and English muffin pizzas which Joseph requested so the rest of us would have something to eat. This was Joseph's idea of dessert...plain jello made with some Sprite. This is my idea of a jello dessert...a jello poke cake.

Zimmerman Family Reunion

This past weekend I went to St. Louis for our Zimmerman family reunion celebrating my Grandpa's 90th birthday which was in March. I had such a good time. I was very nervous to leave my family at home because I haven't been without at least one of them for almost 5 years. They were fine and even though I missed them, I was fine too. I had such fun at the reunion. It was so fun to see aunts, uncles and cousins, some I hadn't seen for 12 years. We didn't do anything earth shattering by any means, but our reunion was what I picture when I think of family reunions. We mainly sat around and talked, heard Grandpa talk about his life and some of his WWII experiences, and ate good food. It was fun to hang out with my cousins. We are all a little nutty and crazy, but that's to be expected since we share the same roots. It's nice to know that we share similar humor. My sister, Heather, made a slideshow of my grandpa's life. It was really good and I'm glad she put it on YouTube so I could show my kids. Kimball and Rebecah really liked the slideshow and have watched it 3 times. I knew Rebecah really liked it when I overheard her singing "God Will Take Care of You" the hymn that my sister used to end the slideshow, a favorite of my grandpa's. It really is a good song and it's teaching Rebecah an important truth. My Grandpa really is a wonderful man. I'm so glad he is my grandpa. He is in good health for 90 years old and I would guess that most people would think him younger than he is. It helps that he has been active all his life. Here are some pictures from the weekend.

Grandma and Grandpa with their living children and daughters-in-law. L to R: Annette, Rick, Mom, Grandpa, Grandma, Steve, and Jackie

Arizona Zimmermans. L to R: Tina, Aubrey, Rick, David, Joe, Dan, Annette. If Joseph ever talks me into moving to Flagstaff we won't be with out extended family in addition to Jonathan and his family.

L to R: Jackie, Eric, Lisa, Steve. I hope Kimball and Rebecah grow up as close as Eric and Lisa are. They are BFF and even though they both are adults and college grads they have chosen to live together.

Cousin shot. 12 of Grandma and Grandpa's 15 grandchildren. Front: Tina, Heather, Aubrey, Joe Middle: Sharon, Chandra Back: Laura, me, Lisa, Eric, David, Dan

Group shot. If my family and the other 3 grandchildren and their families had all been at the reunion the number of people would have almost doubled. That would have been awesome.

Listening to Grandpa answer questions about his life and WWII experiences.

Grandpa's war patches, badges, ranks, medals, etc.

Display of Grandpa's achievements.

Grandpa has been well recognized in Rochester, MN for all of his accomplishments over the years as a school principal and volunteer.

Tina, Matthew and me sharing popcorn.

Grandpa holding the paper rose bouquet that Kristin sent him. I was glad to see the flowers in person since I had heard so much about them.

Grandpa and me. I love Grandpa. I can't wait for our next reunion in 10 years to celebrate his 100th birthday. Longevity runs in the family so there is a good chance Grandpa will make it.