Recovery Phase I

Recovery was a little different that I anticipated. First off my time in the actual recovery room at the surgery center was much longer than anyone planned. The man having surgery after me left before I did. I just had a really hard time waking up from the anesthesia. So many of my memories from Thursday night are vague and when something springs to mind I have to ask Joseph if it really happened. It is really hard to lose hours of my life and know that I was "awake" but not aware. I got home Thursday night, Joseph got me settled and then he left me to pick up our children who were playing with friends. It just dawned on me now that I was left alone while Joseph did that. I'm glad I didn't have any problems! One thing I vaguely remember from the night of surgery was Joseph telling me that Dr. Allison had accidentally nicked my nerve somehow. I had to verify that the next day. It was true and it explained the numbness in my 4th and 5th fingers. This was a hard pill to swallow. Nerves take a long time to heal--they can heal at a rate of 1 inch per month--and with my nerve already severely damaged from being pinched for so long I knew having a nick wasn't a good thing. I hope eventually the numbness will get better, but no one knows. Joseph also said that my nerve was blue from being pinched so long. The blue color was from lack of blood flow and with time that should go back to a normal color. Normally they are white. The first few days home were a little rough because I was in pain. I tried not to take too much pain medicine because it made me sick and then I had to take pills for nausea. I did go to Sacrament Meeting the following Sunday and it was a big mistake because I felt awful the entire time! My first two weeks of recovery dealt with two kinds of pain, physical and then emotional. It was hard dealing with the physical pain, but I started feeling better about a week after surgery. The emotional pain is something I deal with every day. I'm mourning the loss of normal use of my fingers. Someday I hope they will be back to normal, but there is no guarantee. I can't focus on the long term or the permanent consequences of having numb fingers or I break down. My goal has been to focus on making it through today. About a week after surgery a new pain surfaced and that has made it even more difficult. I wasn't expecting to suffer from such intense nerve pain in my fingers and hand. It started about a week after surgery and stems from the nicked nerve. The only way I can explain the pain to someone is to say that it feels like half of my hand and my last two fingers have been burned and are sensitive to touch. When I am touched it burns and hurts so bad. Joseph said the only way to make this get better is to use my hand and rub it on things even though it hurts. I'm trying to use it as much as I can until I can't stand the burning anymore. I'm too young for this...I'm only 32! Some things I learned: I'm not very good at asking others for help. I felt helpless and I don't like feeling that way. I'm grateful that Joseph was so good to help me dress, shower, undress and do other things that I couldn't do for myself. Joseph had a light week at work so he was home in the mornings and worked in the afternoons. It was nice to have him home to help with breakfast and lunch each day. It is hard when Kimball is stronger than I am. I would try to open a jar of peanut butter to make lunch and have to have Kimball help me. Kimball has actually been a huge help through this entire ordeal. I'm so proud of him and I plan on rewarding him once I'm a little more able. I also gained a greater appreciation for my sister, Heather. I'm not saying that having numb and painful fingers is anywhere close to being a quadriplegic, but I can relate to some of her experiences. I understand better Heather's frustrations about not being able to do her own hair and makeup. It was very hard for me to have Joseph put my hair in a ponytail because he wasn't very good, although working as a team we got better. Joseph was happy with a lopsided ponytail, but I never was. I also can relate to Heather when she says that it hurts when people would touch her. If one of the kids grabs my hand it burns and I want to yank my hand away from them, but I try to show restraint. Besides, yanking would cause my arm to hurt in other places. Also, during surgery they tape your eyes shut to prevent "scratching" of the eyes. (I secretly think they would just be un-nerved to have someone staring blankly at them.) Anyway, the tape was so abrasive it caused the skin under my eyes to peel and my under eyes were blotchy for the first few days. Heather says the same thing happens to her. We both agree that a sleep mask would be much better! Things take so much longer when you don't have full use of your body. I tried to email everyday from my iPod touch, but it took so much longer to type messages. By the end of two weeks my little thumb got pretty good at tapping out emails, but I think how much patience Heather has to do all of her emails and blog posts with her voice activated program. Heather is a saint! Things I appreciated: I appreciated the 3 women from church who brought us dinner. Those three meals fed our family for 6 nights. I appreciated the phone calls and cards that people sent, as well as those who sent gifts. One wonderful person even sent a gift card to a pizza place since she wasn't able to help prepare food long distance. The gifts, cards, and phone calls always seemed to come on a day when I needed them most. Tender mercies from the Lord. I appreciated Rebecah coming up to me and asking if my left arm was my "sore arm" and then she would kiss me and say: "I kiss your sore arm." It was sweet. One of my sisters asked me last night if I thought I was better off before or after surgery. I would honestly say, setting aside all of the pain from the surgery and incision, that I was better off before surgery since the pain wasn't constant nerve pain and I didn't have numbness. Now that isn't to say I wouldn't have made the same decision. I basically had the choice of 1. surgery and those outcomes or 2. eventual paralysis of my two fingers and I didn't want that. As painful as it is to move them, I at least can.

My nasty fingers once they started peeling. What is worse is that my palm has now developed the same affliction and most likely my arm will follow since it wasn't washed for 2 weeks! Gross!

Joseph took my splint off a few days ago and removed the stitches. I'm amazed how stiff and weak I am. I guess I entered phase II of recovery because it will probably take another 2 weeks to work out the stiffness and pain. My "new and improved" arm. Stitches still in. Those are Dr. Allison's initials. They initial the limb that they are operating on to prevent mistakes-- like the wrong limb being worked on.

My arm with the stitches removed. I can't wait for my incision to start looking better because right now it's ugly! Now on to phase II of recovery. I might not post about this for a while since I'm just starting this new adventure, but for now I can say my muscles are weaker than I ever imagined they would be and I can barely push a quilting needle through a quilt.